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allison_lowe@yahoo.com

CONNECT: The Truest Love is Sacrifice


2.1-I am an Immigrant



Every February 15, appropriately right after Valentine’s Day, my daughter and I celebrate Gotcha Day.  Along with a stubborn tendency to be “right” and a healthy obsession with shows like Gilmore Girls, Law & Order and Buffy The Vampire Slayer, we also share the same history. 

 

Me first…

 

When, I was a baby in Hong Kong.  I was left in an alley, most likely by my biological mother. 

 

And yes, had I not been picked up…I would have died from exposure or even had a worse fate.  Luckily, for me…it didn’t happen that way…

 

While some people’s immediate reaction is sadness or anger, I was lucky enough that my mother (who adopted me when I was 2.5) was able to frame it in a different way.   She always emphasized that I was never ever abandoned…my bio mom loved me more than herself because she sacrificed happiness as my mother so I could have a better life.  Interestingly enough, there has been books about adoption in China which supports my mother’s story. 

 

Mothers who were caught in unfortunate circumstances would travel at least 2 hours away so their baby girls could be eligible for foreign adoption since they would be officially “abandoned” with no known ties.  Heartbreaking stories about a mother leaving her baby in a well traveled place (post offices, markets, popular alleys), ducking out of sight but always keeping an eye on the baby and following whoever took that baby.  Once she was assured that the baby was in safe hands, usually an orphanage or a government official, she would then leave to go on with her life.  Interviews with these Chinese mothers reflected how these mothers never forgot their babies.  They would always pray and hope that their girls were happy, healthy with a better life outside of China.

 

When it came time to start a family, I knew I always wanted to adopt from China too.  When I met my daughter in Nanjing, I really came to understand the love a mother has for her child.  I anxiously fussed making sure her crib was warm and comfortable and could watch her sleep for hours.  I would give her the best food first so she would eat well.   I would do anything to make her smile and laugh.  I would have panic attacks if I didn’t know where she was every second. And I would hold her as much as I could and nestle my face in her hair, inhaling every scent of her.   All these actions gave me the addicting bursts of love that we feel and chase after.  I experienced all of this after only 2 days with her…

 

My friends tell me that they’ve experience similar feelings while they were pregnant and still have those strong feelings.   Note:  Some of their kids have graduated college and starting their own families now!

 

To imagine giving up your child is painful as well as unfathomable.  I honestly don’t know if I could do that today, even though I know how I personally benefited from that action.  Yet, my biological mother and my daughter’s biological mother did so we could have a better life.  And without their sacrifices, my daughter and I might have had very different lives in China.  

 

I feel such love and gratefulness to these two women.  They are the reason why I’m here, able to tell my story to you.  And my daughter now has a chance to live a life that isn’t shameful or harsh. 

 

That’s true love, folks…true love. 

 

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CONNECT: Not Another Party...When Can I Go Home?...3 Party Survival Tactics To Get You Through The Season!

12.7-RSG Blog-Introvert Parties


It’s that busy holiday time…there is something about the holidays that encourages me to make a special effort to go out to reconnect and socialize.  However, the more parties & events I go to, the more I desire to be alone.   In fact, if you know the true definition of an introvert (to turn inward or in upon itself), you would agree that I would fall into the introvert category. However, my Significant Other completely disagrees with me on this point. 

 

“You’re not an introvert…I can never keep track of you at parties…You’re always working the room…and usually part of the loudest group.”

 

Ok…he does have a point.  I do like spending time with people I know and am comfortable with.  But when it comes to events with new people or people I don’t see on a regular basis, I tend to drag my feet. You might have some of those events on your calendar.   Like the Significant Other’s office party (...smile & try to remember names…), the Reciprocal Cocktail Hour (...they’ve come to so many of our things, we have to go to theirs….) and my all time favorite…the Awkward Extended Family Holiday Gathering (...oh look…THEY’RE here…are you two married yet?...)

 

Usually before, during and after these gatherings, I desperately fight the urge to run home to my fuzzy pajamas and cuddly 4-legged roomies. They don’t mind if I don’t speak for hours and they don’t judge me when I endlessly snack.   And frankly, they don’t care if I’m not dressed up or if my hair is brushed...the bonus is that they will happily clean up any crumbs from my holiday goodies.

 

Can you relate?  I think, especially during this hectic Holiday Season, we can all have introvert-like tendencies…(...please say you do…I don’t want to be alone in this!)  In the spirit of the Holidays, I will share my 3 Party Survival Tactics that get me through the season…

 

#1-Fake It Until You Make It

 

“You’re not going like that, are you?” 

 

With my new career path, I’m often in my "athleisure" attire  (aka comfortable, stretchy & nap-able) because I’m usually in front of a laptop or on the phone.  If I do look in the mirror, I usually will cringe slightly just because I’m horrified about how many directions my hair can and will actually go .  Mentally, I’m also very much into my head…focused with thoughts and brilliant ideas on how to change the world... well, you get the picture.

 

So, that’s the first step for me.  I have to get out of that persona and physically transition into the “extroverted” me.   This means tackling my hair and putting on nice clothes (without dog hair) and shoes that aren’t loud slippers or flip flops.  While I’m getting ready, I’ll put on music that will get me in the mood.  (No, it’s not cheerful Santa music but if it works for you, by all means,  “Deck Those Hollies!”)   Eventually, I can will work myself up to that “Hi, I’m Allie…How are you!?” state. 

 

“Wow…you do clean up nicely!”

 

Step One…Completed

 

#2 – Come to the Party With Relatable “Ice Breakers”

 

If you’re part of a couple (or you have a really good friend), you usually have a “rescue gesture” that translates into “Come HELP me get away from this conversation”  (NOTE:  Drinking your cocktail/wine in one gulp is not your best option…in fact, it could be dangerous for you and really annoying for those around you…)  What is actually even worse than this situation is realizing that YOU may be the person that everyone is trying to get away from!

 

So, come prepared.  Think of at least 2 to 3 Ice Breakers …common subjects that you feel comfortable talking about and that other people will feel comfortable hearing.  Make sure that your subjects are inclusive and that other people can relate to them and will contribute to that conversation.  Make them happy and humorous subjects…weather, kids, puppies…Be sure to ask them questions about how they feel about the weather, kids and puppies.

 

Make sure you have back-up subjects…when the person’s eyes glaze over and they start looking in different directions, you’ve clearly hit the buzzer…time to change the subject quickly. 

 

Long story short…try and find a commonality with the people you’re socializing with.   This will help you enjoy your evening as well as let people enjoy you.

 

 

#3 – Come With NO Expectations

 

You look fabulous!  You have great Ice Breakers!…You will have met interesting  people!…Now, your whole life will change!    Ok, that’s not true…your whole life will not change…at least, not with that one party.  That party is the tip of the iceberg.

 

I have had introverted clients who have major expectations when they make the effort to come out of their shells.  And almost 90% of them, come away discouraged and disillusioned.  I feel them…it’s such a big step to break away from what we know and what we’re comfortable with.  It’s the Cinderella syndrome where she gets to be a princess all night and then it’s all taken away from her after the evening is over.  But, I think if we focus on the fantasy and not the reality, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

 

The reality is things don’t change overnight…or in a week…or in a month or a year. Things change gradually and when you’re consistent, they become more of a real shift.  The hardest challenge is to take action to leave something that you’re comfortable in and explore what you don’t know.  There’s no guarantee whether we’ll like it when we get there but we won’t know until we’ve tried.  

 

I’ve never been a big fan about getting a trophy for “showing up” but here’s where I’ll make that exception.  You may not see the payoff right away but it will come.  If I succumbed to my introvert tendencies, I would have never met the people I consider my lifelines.  I would have never found the career path that keeps me fulfilled and content.  I would have never met my partner that gets me out and about.

 

Instead, I would probably be on a constant sugar high and only have meaningless conversations with creatures that hog the couch and steal my snacks.   And while that is heaven some of the time, I also need human connection. 

 

It’s been a pleasure to share my thoughts with you for this year…I’m taking a nice long Holiday break (more parties and more snacks!) …I’m looking forward to connecting with you all in 2017!

 

Happy Holidays!

 

 
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Fall is Here...New Beginnings and a Great Purpose!

9.17-RSG Website-1st Blog Post Moms Painting


I love Fall…there is something about the crisper air, kids grudgingly going back to school and starting a new grade and relieved parents going back to the “routine.”  In fact, some cultures believe that Fall is the “beginning” of the next year.

This is the “beginning” of MY new year and my blog!  After sitting on the sidelines for years and admiring, learning and absorbing other fantastic blogs, I have finally “walked the talk” and started one of my own.  Of course, since I can never do anything simply, I’m also launching my own Coaching Business (www.ready-set-go.me)   To say that I’m nervous and overwhelmed would be the understatement of the century.  And yet, I’m also really excited and my brain won’t turn off all the ideas and dreams.

When I was contemplating a change in my life, I have to admit I was very comfortable and grateful for where I was.  As a Recruiting Consultant, I had a great gig recruiting for Deloitte (one of the best corporations I always admired).  I also had (and still have) a great personal life…a wonderful FGE (Favorite Guy Ever aka Significant Other, Long Term Boyfriend, etc), 4 spirited Rescue Dogs, 1 extremely patient long-suffering Cat and a smart, infuriating snarky Daughter as well as supportive and fun friends to fill my days.  And yet…something was still missing.

I read an article (for the life of me, I can’t find it but when I do, we’ll talk about this again) that really resonated with me.  It described how when we were younger, we focused on our List of Objectives (aka Things To Do…you know…walk the dogs, get groceries, pay the bills.)  From there, we graduated to “Our Goals” such as getting our degree, getting that dream job, finding that right partner.  Finally, after completing some of our goals and maybe straying off our path, we begin to understand our Great Purpose. 

But here’s a thought…what happens if we try to visualize our Great Purpose first?  Wouldn’t our objectives and goals be more aligned?  A caveat here is to make sure that our Great Purpose is as generalized and flexible as you can make it so you won’t get discouraged when you veer off course (trust me, you’re supposed to) and give up.

After much thought and rumination, I discovered that my Great Purpose was to Inspire!  And that, my readers, is this Blog’s Great Purpose.  As a Holistic Wellness Coach, I believe that we need to pay attention to all aspects of our life: 

  • Nourishing ourselves with healthy and enjoyable nutrition
  • Nurturing ourselves by taking care of our body, mind & soul with exercise, passions and balance
  • Achieving small and big wins like eating more vegetables, getting promoted to that dream job and finding the life you want
  • Connecting with the people (your tribe) that you “click” and can count on and inspire you to be who you are.
 
You will find posts that will include great recipes (some healthy, some decadent…don’t judge), exercise and adventure ideas (my passion is travel…I work so I can go on more adventures), career advice (I’ve been on that other side that “hires”…trust me, I can give you some good perspective) and relationship insights (somehow, my family stories could fill a couple of books).  Hopefully, these posts will inspire you to share your thoughts and stories and together we can build a community support system that can be a great resource and inspiration as well!

P.S....The photo above is a painting that my Mom painted when she was 85 years old...talk about inspiring!

I would love to hear what you think!  Please sign up to be included in this community and share your knowledge and experiences and maybe learn something about yourself!  

Ready?…Set? …GO!

 

 

 

 

 

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