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ACHIEVE: 5 Steps to Getting Unstuck


2.28-RSG-ACHIEVE-Getting Unstuck



ACHIEVE:   5 Steps to Getting Unstuck

 

We all hear about the Asian Tiger Moms.  You know, the mothers that are VERY focused on their children excelling at everything?  I think the true intent of these strategic parents is to be able to scare the child into submission by keeping them constantly busy and exhausted…they really can’t get into too much trouble because they are so tightly held accountable to grades and goals.  (Totally worked for me and my brother)

 

The Joy Luck Club was basically my childhood.  My parents, while they loved me in their own “Chinese” way, had extremely HIGH expectations.  A-‘s were considered Asian F’s.  (between you and me, I think Glee was written by an Asian…)  I’ve only recently started to enjoy playing the piano and playing tennis on my own without the obsession of winning the tournament and being the star at the Spring Recital.  Sadly, it’s taken me a while to get to this point… just about 40 years.

 

The obsession to “win” carried on into my adult life.  After I got my MBA, I started my own consulting business where I got to travel most of the week.  I traveled so much that I often had to look at the hotel stationery so I could figure out what city I was in.  And then, at 40, we adopted our daughter from China.   The strain of two traveling professionals with a 13-month benevolent tyrant (BT) strained our relationship and unexpectedly, we, reluctantly, became a single parents. 

 

Because we were “winners”, we made co-parenting successful.   I was able to adapt my working life to the “new normal” and when the BT was with her dad, I would eagerly take on more projects, usually working all the time she was gone.  When we were together, I tried to make up all the time I missed with her …we would have countless adventures with many people to meet and places to explore.

 

Everything was great…I was winning!

 

Except…on most days, I had a hard time getting out of bed.  I was exhausted and not too happy with where my life was going.  I had a hard time connecting my daily activities with a purpose…except to keep my child alive & thriving.  And while, I think I’m a good Tiger Mom…that wasn’t enough for me.  Something was missing…

 

I WAS STUCK!

 

Fast forward, ten years.  I found what I was missing and while my life is just as hectic and crazy as always, these days, I feel like I’m consistently moving forward.   I now go to bed feeling content & fulfilled (not exhausted) and look forward to starting my day.…

 

I learned a lot throughout this journey and I’d like to pass on what I’ve learned to you.  Here are five ideas to get you started…

 

#1 - Get More Space…

 

“Ok, what does that mean?  Does this mean I have to move out?”

 

(My partner is hilarious…I really need to get a different editor.) 

 

But he is on the right track.  Of course, you’re not going to move out of where you are now but carving a space (in time and in your mind) will help you develop & evolve yourself beyond where you are today. 

 

Think about it…if you’re so busy, rushed & burdened, you know you’re not being effective.  In fact, you might be spending  valuable time “undoing” and fixing things because you weren’t being effective in the first place.

 

On top of that, I bet you’re EXHAUSTED!

 

What are you tolerating?  Figure out an exit strategy from that situation.  Clearing the drains & strains in your life means that you’ll gain more resources & energy to be able to do the things you really want to do!

 

 Step #2 – Became More Open to Seeing Things Differently

 

Now that you have some space, start to see things from a different angle.   Reassess your “stories” and reactions.  It was an “eye-opener” for me to realize that my assumptions and beliefs that I created in my 20’s looked so different now.

 

Raising awareness  within yourself will change your reactions and expectations.  And most importantly, your definitions and approaches to what is “successful” to you will evolve.  This will keep you moving forward and open more opportunities in your life.

 

Step #3 – Find & Tap Into Your Sparks

 

Ask yourself these following questions:

 

What do you absolutely need to find out more about?  (Curiosity spark)

 

What topics/ideas do you connect with?  (Fascination spark)

 

What gets you “in the zone” where you can spend hours and hours? (Immersion spark)

 

What keeps you committed to improving your skills & knowledge? (Mastery spark)  

 

What drives you to “make an impact?  (Service spark)

 

Which answers came on the tip of our tongue?   These would be your most dominant sparks. 

 

When I did this exercise, I connected with the Service spark questions instantly!   Knowing someone has been positively impacted by my action is my definition for success.

For me, planning my projects and actions around a Service purpose helps me feel like I’m on the right path. Which is why I’ve developed Ready Set Go!  I want to motivate and inspire you to make small changes in your life!   

Knowing what comes easily and naturally to you will help you start planning your journey around the ability to spend as much of your energy pursuing your these sparks.

 

Step #4 – Figure Out What Matters Most To You?

 

Now, you know what really sparks you up!  This awareness will help you filter down so you can really identify what you really do want.  Don’t dwell on how bad your current situation is…this is what’s making you stuck.  Think instead of moving towards what you do want.  Some things to think about are:

 

The Transformation – How do you feel now?…What do you want to feel instead?...  How will you change?

The Vision – How will you know that you got “there?”  How will you measure success?


Valuing the Process is the ultimate goal.  My favorite saying is, “It’s not just the destination…it’s the journey.”

 

Step #5 – Understand & Accept Your Obstacles

 

Everyone hits a wall…if you didn’t have obstacles, then you probably wouldn’t be stuck? 

 

Practice that openness in Step #2.  Instead of looking at this as an obstacle, look at this as a great learning experience.  What can you control?  What can you influence?  Analyze what’s getting in your way and think of different ways to work through it or around it

 

Change your timeline…change your destination but keep going forward.  Ignoring your obstacles will just lead to delaying or even giving up what you set out to do.  And, then you’re right back where you were at the beginning of this article.

 

And, no one wants that…

 

I’m curious to hear if this approach works for you!   Feel free to comment below about your experience and how this might work (or not work) for you…

 

Till next time…

If you liked this article and want more, I’d love to include you in my Email List. I promise not to bombard you. I send out monthly newsletters with helpful articles & invites that may help alleviate your frustrations with Health, Life Balance, Career, Purposes & Relationships. I think this information would be useful and valuable and it's at no cost to you! Sign up here… http://ready-set-go.me
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