It’s that busy holiday time…there is something about the holidays that encourages me to make a special effort to go out to reconnect and socialize. However, the more parties & events I go to, the more I desire to be alone. In fact, if you know the true definition of an introvert (to turn inward or in upon itself), you would agree that I would fall into the introvert category. However, my Significant Other completely disagrees with me on this point.
“You’re not an introvert…I can never keep track of you at parties…You’re always working the room…and usually part of the loudest group.”
Ok…he does have a point. I do like spending time with people I know and am comfortable with. But when it comes to events with new people or people I don’t see on a regular basis, I tend to drag my feet. You might have some of those events on your calendar. Like the Significant Other’s office party (...smile & try to remember names…), the Reciprocal Cocktail Hour (...they’ve come to so many of our things, we have to go to theirs….) and my all time favorite…the Awkward Extended Family Holiday Gathering (...oh look…THEY’RE here…are you two married yet?...)
Usually before, during and after these gatherings, I desperately fight the urge to run home to my fuzzy pajamas and cuddly 4-legged roomies. They don’t mind if I don’t speak for hours and they don’t judge me when I endlessly snack. And frankly, they don’t care if I’m not dressed up or if my hair is brushed...the bonus is that they will happily clean up any crumbs from my holiday goodies.
Can you relate? I think, especially during this hectic Holiday Season, we can all have introvert-like tendencies…(...please say you do…I don’t want to be alone in this!) In the spirit of the Holidays, I will share my 3 Party Survival Tactics that get me through the season…
#1-Fake It Until You Make It
“You’re not going like that, are you?”
With my new career path, I’m often in my "athleisure" attire (aka comfortable, stretchy & nap-able) because I’m usually in front of a laptop or on the phone. If I do look in the mirror, I usually will cringe slightly just because I’m horrified about how many directions my hair can and will actually go . Mentally, I’m also very much into my head…focused with thoughts and brilliant ideas on how to change the world... well, you get the picture.
So, that’s the first step for me. I have to get out of that persona and physically transition into the “extroverted” me. This means tackling my hair and putting on nice clothes (without dog hair) and shoes that aren’t loud slippers or flip flops. While I’m getting ready, I’ll put on music that will get me in the mood. (No, it’s not cheerful Santa music but if it works for you, by all means, “Deck Those Hollies!”) Eventually, I can will work myself up to that “Hi, I’m Allie…How are you!?” state.
“Wow…you do clean up nicely!”
Step One…Completed
#2 – Come to the Party With Relatable “Ice Breakers”
If you’re part of a couple (or you have a really good friend), you usually have a “rescue gesture” that translates into “Come HELP me get away from this conversation” (NOTE: Drinking your cocktail/wine in one gulp is not your best option…in fact, it could be dangerous for you and really annoying for those around you…) What is actually even worse than this situation is realizing that YOU may be the person that everyone is trying to get away from!
So, come prepared. Think of at least 2 to 3 Ice Breakers …common subjects that you feel comfortable talking about and that other people will feel comfortable hearing. Make sure that your subjects are inclusive and that other people can relate to them and will contribute to that conversation. Make them happy and humorous subjects…weather, kids, puppies…Be sure to ask them questions about how they feel about the weather, kids and puppies.
Make sure you have back-up subjects…when the person’s eyes glaze over and they start looking in different directions, you’ve clearly hit the buzzer…time to change the subject quickly.
Long story short…try and find a commonality with the people you’re socializing with. This will help you enjoy your evening as well as let people enjoy you.
#3 – Come With NO Expectations
You look fabulous! You have great Ice Breakers!…You will have met interesting people!…Now, your whole life will change! Ok, that’s not true…your whole life will not change…at least, not with that one party. That party is the tip of the iceberg.
I have had introverted clients who have major expectations when they make the effort to come out of their shells. And almost 90% of them, come away discouraged and disillusioned. I feel them…it’s such a big step to break away from what we know and what we’re comfortable with. It’s the Cinderella syndrome where she gets to be a princess all night and then it’s all taken away from her after the evening is over. But, I think if we focus on the fantasy and not the reality, we set ourselves up for disappointment.
The reality is things don’t change overnight…or in a week…or in a month or a year. Things change gradually and when you’re consistent, they become more of a real shift. The hardest challenge is to take action to leave something that you’re comfortable in and explore what you don’t know. There’s no guarantee whether we’ll like it when we get there but we won’t know until we’ve tried.
I’ve never been a big fan about getting a trophy for “showing up” but here’s where I’ll make that exception. You may not see the payoff right away but it will come. If I succumbed to my introvert tendencies, I would have never met the people I consider my lifelines. I would have never found the career path that keeps me fulfilled and content. I would have never met my partner that gets me out and about.
Instead, I would probably be on a constant sugar high and only have meaningless conversations with creatures that hog the couch and steal my snacks. And while that is heaven some of the time, I also need human connection.
It’s been a pleasure to share my thoughts with you for this year…I’m taking a nice long Holiday break (more parties and more snacks!) …I’m looking forward to connecting with you all in 2017!
Happy Holidays!