I would have written this article sooner but I was busy doing everything else. I had to reorganize my closet, brush out a continually moving poodle and check Facebook a million times to make sure all 400 of my friends were doing okay.
Does this sound familiar?
It is all too familiar to me!
So, I decided to hire myself as a coach.
“Hi Client Allie, I’m Coach Allie…great name, by the way…”
“Hi Coach Allie…thanks!”
“So, what would you like to discuss today?”
“I’d like to find out why I’m such a bad procrastinator…I know I need to get certain things done but I keep putting it off.”
“Hmmm…what things do you keep putting off? Why aren’t they on your list of priorities?”
And, that is the first step. Understanding the What and Why of the Things You Keep Putting Off…mine fall in two categories.
The first category is THE THINGS I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO. For example, Cleaning the Litter Box…Getting Groceries…Doing Laundry. Yet these things still need to get done and eventually I do them because my cat’s judgmental stare, my family’s complaints about nothing to eat and the fact that I can’t go and buy a new workout outfit every day are facts that compel me to fulfill these responsibilities.
I’m mostly at peace with this.
The second category are THINGS I REALLY WANT TO DO BUT DON’T. Some examples here are Losing Ten Pounds…Finishing Up My Book…Working On My Business.
I don’t get it.
I’m EXCITED to DO these things. I look forward to doing these things. Motivation isn’t the issue.
“So, Allie, what do you think is holding you back? These things are important to you…why are you finishing up everything else but not these things?”
“Hmmm…I’m not sure. I’m known in my professional world for always meeting my deadlines, sometimes even getting it done before the deadline.”…Under promise and Over deliver has always been my mantra.
“What are your deadlines for these?”
BINGO!
Although I work hard on my goals, I don’t have hard deadlines. I’m easily distracted or something comes up in the week and I get off track. Which is normal, I know, but for some reason, I lose momentum and then spend most of the time anxiously fretting that I’m not moving forward.
So, the obvious solution is to place a deadline on these goals, right?
Been there…done that…and let me tell you, by this time, I should have been able to fit in my old wedding dress (over 15 years ago), started on my second book and hiring employees to meet the high demand of my business .
“Ummm, Allie…didn’t you just start your business last September? From where I sit, eight months is an awfully short time to complete all those goals?”
My coach is very very wise…
I constantly have to remind myself that I am a product of a Tiger Mom and sometimes my unrealistic deadlines and overwhelming expectations are not always positive motivating assets.
My deadlines did me in this time.
They overwhelmed me and made me more anxious. They didn’t account for “every day life” and the unexpected events. Like Writer’s Block. Or, when my Teen was anxious about taking her AP exams and needed her Mom (a extremely rare occurrence) to help her study and be the cheerleader. Or, when your guy wants to take you to Tuscany. I do have my priorities in order…Teen and A Romantic Trip to Italy win EVERY time.
So, the first step for me this time around was placing realistic deadlines of when I want to complete these goals.
“Very good, Allie! Now what’s the downside of not meeting your goal within your deadlines?”
“If I don’t lose the weight, I’ll be unhealthy which is a real turn-off for future clients since I’m a Health Coach…If I don’t complete the book, I’ll have these ideas bursting internally inside me and I won’t be able to share information that I think would be helpful to others. And, if I don’t keep working on my business, then I will lose my sense of purpose.”
Step One of Placing Realistic Deadlines and Understanding the Real Consequences of Not Getting It Done is completed.
My deadlines are much more realistic now and I know what will happen if I don’t get it done.
“Thank you, Coach Allie! I think I’m good to go….”
“Not so fast, my little grasshopper…we still have to figure out a plan for when you meet some resistance or experience a setback. What will you do then?”
Hmmmm…
The Coach is right. I may have planned more realistically but nothing guarantees that this attempt will be any different. I might hit a wall again and go back to my old patterns. Planning better may not be the one solution because life happens and unplanned things will get in my way. Like that stupid Writer’s Block…
“So, Allie...you’ve just told me what happen the last time you hit Writer’s Block. And it’s great that you’ve designed a new workspace as well as redecorated your daughter’s room, but aren’t you running out of home projects to do? And, I don’t recall those being on your List of Goals?”
Ahhhh…the light bulb finally switched “on.” Realistically planning is not only essential in the beginning, it also helps in the middle.
Back to the drawing board…
Now, I have an Action Plan for when I get blocked or something else comes up.
First thing is to be more cognizant of what is going on inside of me when the unexpected comes up.
Do, I just want the Distraction (usually, The Teen) to go away so I spend more time “putting out that fire” instead of determining the urgency level?
Am I feeling overwhelmed?
Is Anxiety overwhelming me?
More importantly, what is the root cause behind these feelings?
Once I’ve identified the What and Why, I need to confront my feelings and keep moving forward!
I need to teach myself (and the Teen) what is urgent and how to prioritize what needs attention and how much time it will take.
If I’m overwhelmed, I need to be a little nicer to myself and remember that I have a weakness for unrealistic deadlines and overwhelming expectations. I need to adjust my daily schedule and timelines with some breaks and room to breathe.
And finally, if I’m anxious and afraid to fail,
I need to get over that.
Am I really that arrogant to think that everything I attempt should work out the first time? Of course not! I’m going to learn by my mistakes and this experience is why I’m going down this adventurous path. I want to learn how to be comfortable in taking risks. I know I will fall flat on my face sometimes and I need to make myself get up, tend to my bruises, learn my lessons, make the necessary adjustments and get right back to it.
And when I’m really blocked, I need to think of potential ways to work through that block. If I keep it on my mind, I can think of creative approaches and I really won’t be procrastinating at all…just doing the work mentally in my head.
Step Two: Creating a Plan of What To Do When The Unexpected Comes Up and then Doing It…check!
So, have I completely conquered my Procrastination tendencies?
Of course not…I just started.
But, I can tell you that I have hit those blocks already and this time, instead of taking on another house project or berating myself for not producing anything, I’ve broken my usual Procrastination cycle. Now, I let myself have a Pity Party or take care of the interruption and set a time limit of an hour.
Then, I go back to what I set out to do.
And, I'm beginning to see the progress.
The key to this success was to break my Procrastination Cycle. No more working without realistic deadlines. No more of allowing myself to take extended breaks because I’m discouraged or disengaged when I hit resistance. No more of unexpected distractions that take priority over my daily goals…
I must remember to buy my Coach a glass of champagne…
Now, if only she could help me figure out how to get the laundry to do itself…
Till next time!
If you liked this article and want more, I’d love to include you in my Email List. I promise not to bombard you! I send out monthly newsletters with helpful articles & invites that may help alleviate your frustrations with Health, Life Balance, Career, Purposes & Relationships. I think this information would be useful and valuable and it's at no cost to you!
Sign up here -www.ready-set-go.me